Afterthoughts
I received two great comments to my last post and I first want to say to Jil: Why do we not live closer? I think we could be BFFs if only we were within driving distance of each other (well, we are, but it would take a couple of days to get there!). You are so wise and honest and giving and I love all those things about you. You're always in my corner, girl, even though we have never met face to face. I love you for it.
I guess I am a little scared of being judged. I have run into a LOT of judgmental people in other aspects of my walk of life and I hate it. I know we all pass judgments from time to time but some do it with such reckless abandon that it is frightening. I'm not in any way ashamed of the surgery I had; it gave me a whole new life that I'm loving BUT I totally have to WORK to keep that new life. As Laura said "If all it took to lose weight was the surgery; you wouldn't even be at the Y!" True. So very true. I have to make the conscious decision every day to exercise but it is so worth it for me, because I never want to revert back.
I didn't tell Jerry at first either, the first time he trained me with the stability ball. I had told him I had lost a lot of weight but didn't tell him about the surgery. Then I felt guilty (I don't get why, so don't ask. I can't figure it out) because he was being so nice to me and I had not been upfront with him. When I told him I even phrased it as if it was a terrible thing I was getting ready to tell him. I said "I need to tell you something and I don't want you to think less of me..." WTH? I don't even make sense to myself sometimes.
I think women are more difficult to tell. I think we are more judgmental than our male counterparts. We are always concerned about how we measure up against other women. I find myself doing it at times and I hate it. I prefer not caring what anyone else thinks about my life, but yet on some level, especially with my surgery, I do care. I don't want people thinking I cheated, even if I don't believe that. I don't want people thinking it of me. But yet, I can't control what other people think so maybe that is why I elect to not always tell people. Sometimes now, I almost forget I had surgery because time has passed and what I am doing now has more to do with just being normal (despite my half hour long dumping session the other night...that's the only time I don't feel normal). I work , I clean, I exercise, I cook, I parent, I am a spouse. Exercise is just a part of my day to day routine and I never think anymore "I need to exercise because I had this surgery and I need to be true to it." I exercise because I want to get to a size 14 and more importantly because, damn, it makes me feel better overall when I do work out. I feel better physically and mentally for doing it.
I guess it is just one of those things I need to come to terms with and sort out for myself about how to handle it in the future. Not sure why it is so complicated for me, yet it is.
Happy weekend, kids! Be safe!
Here's a thought . . . Maybe the women are so judgmental because they WISH they could go through with it? I actually do know people that like to tell me that I don't have to worry about things, and think that it's all easy, breezy and then they get sad that they can't do that. Of course, I let them know that I can't eat ice cream anymore, I can't have a bowl of cereal anymore (which was a pre-op addiction for me), and I can't make the same choices I used to. But they don't see that. They see that I was heavy, now I'm smaller and they want it too. That's just a thought/opinion. Maybe there's some truth in it, maybe not? But they also didn't have to live with being 100+ overweight most of their lives and until these people can understand how that feels, they will never understand the decisions that we make to deal with it.
You WILL come to terms with it. I know it!! When you do, can you tell me how you did it? I could use some help in that area too!!!
Take care! Happy Friday!!!
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Kimmie...I have thought the same thing myself a number of times. Like BFF's we have traded clothes although thankfully those clothes would not work for either of us ever again...lol...and comments, heartfelt and heart wrenching...it's a very gestalt feeling to be so 'connected' to someone that you have never shared coffee with...or wine as the case may be...lol
I have mentioned it before and I am not going to let it go...we will meet at some point. We will have a Cut N' Paste Summit even if it is only the two of us...lol...although I would love it if the other girls were able to make it as well!
Wise is questionable...honest is true. I am just doing the best I can...some days are better than others...I hoist my WLS flag because my freak flag needed companionship
Someday soon Kim...someday soon!
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Hey all you gals...Don't forget me ...I am so up to a Cut N' Paste summit...
Had to share with all of you ...I walked the Baltimore 1/2 marathon on Saturday ...YUP...as I write this I am wearing my official medal...I can't begin to tell you how I felt .....especially crossing the finish line ....Not bad for this 54 year ole gal.....A year ago? Couldn't walk 15 feet without gasping for air ....what a idfference a year makes ...
Luv, to all
Susan
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You know, Kim... I am such an open book and I'm just now starting to learn why - but the thing about it is that you are a beautiful person. Anyone that would judge you for losing weight by one means or another - isn't worth your time or your thoughts. The bottom line is that you were overweight... they are mean and hateful... but you LOST the weight!! There isn't much they can do about their inner selves being so ugly.
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I have written about this at my blog a few times too. I am 2 years ut and trust me, after the first 8 or 9 months, it's been struggling and ard work to lose weight and keep it off. I am at the gym 5 times a week on good weeks and at least once at the least. I am weighing myself every 2 days scared of gaining another ounce. I count calories and I count steps and I count protein grams.
yet, when somebody who knew me 2 years ago says, you look wondrful, I feel guilty if I don't tell them I had surgery!
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Kimmie.... here's the thing, honey... you don't owe them ANYTHING. Unless they are about to perform abdominal surgery or it's your PCP, what you "owe" in the way of explanation is nil. You're a pleaser, just like me, and the thought of your surgery not being acceptable because it was an easy fix is enough to keep you quiet. Screw them. Life your own life, and don't worry about what they think. Those who know and love you would still love you no matter what -- me included!! Love, Shell
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