So I mentioned to you earlier that Leisl was an amazing poet and she has given you (and me) the opportunity to read a bit of her work.  I think you will agree with me that she has talent that needs to be shared!

Sunshine and Blue Leaves on Trees
 
Trapped inside myself.  Dying the death of self worth, aching to be free, free of myself!  I am unsafe, peculiar, worthless and possessed by my secret.  The shame, the blame, the flame in my secret soul is burning holes through my skin!  And what is worse, is it must be my fault, my fault for letting it happen to me!  What is wrong with me?  I take it because it must be true, all of those terrible things that you say about me.  I take it now because I am the secret with you!
 
I’m weak and unwilling, but I’d rather make you happy and share in your lie because that is what you’ve seduced me and reduced me to do!  Who will ever believe me after all you’ve achieved?  They’ll think I’m the liar, the cheat, the thief of your success, the stealer of your manliness!  They’ll think I’m crazy or that I deserved it because I was “too lazy” to make the bed for you!
 
Who I am?
Who I am?
Who I am?
 
 
I am the unmovable Keeper of secrets and lies.
I am the weaker without any words.
I am the actress who wins The Academy Award.
I am the one you kill with your selection of swords.
The truth is, I am the dead, living and forgiving your abusive cries.
I am all you have and not what you deserve.
I am sick and unhealthy in mind and in spirit and when you walk in the door I FEAR IT!
And inside my head, my heart, my soul the rigorous ranting and raving takes hold, explores and controls and finally explodes!
I really am just like you?
 
Who I am without you?
Who I am without you?
Who I am without you?
 
Without you, I am Sunshine and Blue Leaves on the Trees.
I am cool vibrant mist in the breeze.
I am Night and Day all swirled
Into One, making Peace with the
Moon and the Sun.
Without you, I am Laughing and Lulling myself into Sweet Sleep.
I am able bodied, intelligent and sweet.
Without you, I am something like Nothing You’ve Seen!
Without you I can follow my dreams!
 
 
 
*Leisl K. (Weaver) Miller
01-18-93

Today's guest blogger is Kim from Thoughts by Kim.  Kim is a fellow C&P gal, who is also currently dealing with infertility issues.  She is amazing and when I asked for volunteers to blog, she was more than willing to share a post with us!

So in honor of summer, here you go...

Family Vacation

 

I know – the words bring up images of all sorts of things… all staring Chevy Chase, I’m sure.

 

For me… the concept of a family vacation means a “clipboard of fun” (aka meticulously planned activities for every second!), chaos, and a load of laughs… let me just give you some scenarios via a bulleted list.

 

• Driving to Monticello while on a trip to Washington, D.C. and after an hour of driving realizing that our Dad has gotten us lost in a completely different STATE!
• Going to the San Diego Zoo with my Dad and one older sister… and my Dad notoriously had a “trip hat” that he wore everywhere while on a said vacation… this time – very poetically – a bird pooped right on the bill of that hat! HA!
• Another trip to the Wild Animal Kingdom or something in that area – a different vacation… going on the safari tram… and someone having to stop the train because their pacemaker went off.
• Almost getting kicked out of a bed & breakfast because we woke the whole place up while playing competitive board games… we were REALLY in to it and probably were yelling at each other.
• Getting food poisoning on my first trip with John’s family… landing myself in the hospital… only AFTER they went to the Cracker Barrel for breakfast – I planted myself on the bathroom floor of the restaurant for that entire meal. Then on the way home from the hospital… doing the same thing on the floor of Luby’s while they ate dinner. (In their defense – I was in the hospital for 8 hours!)
• A trip with John’s family to a football game across the state… we dropped our things off at the hotel and went on to the game…. Not realizing that the hotel either serviced the rooms with all heat or all air conditioning… that day it was heat, and I cranked our thermostat up full blast… it never did cool down in there that night. ARG!
• Same trip – ordering (accidentally) something that wasn’t on the menu of Denny’s and NEVER getting my meal.
• My sister’s obsession with having a trip food item… something that we sample every restaurant we can – for instance – key lime pie in Washington, D.C. or fudge in Mackinac Island, MI or guacamole in Santa Fe, NM
• Being on one trip while still engaged with John – and since we couldn’t stay in the same room… we were the only ones that didn’t get a jacuzzi tub in our room on one leg of the trip…
• Getting a major medical procedure the same day as flying across the country… said medical procedure was the awake equivalent to a colonoscopy! Yikes!
• John remembered that many years later, and made it up to me on a different trip – we got our own jacuzzi tub… but were so tired because it was the last night of the trip – we didn’t even use it, and we ordered pizza to be delivered to our room instead of going out to dinner.
• John and I deciding that we would drive to meet up with the family for a trip… and naturally OUR trip started the day after Hurricane Katrina… so we drove right through the devastated areas… and had to wait 3 hours in line for gas at a filling station.
• That same road trip – my doctors had changed my medications for my blood pressure right before we left… I’d never been able to sleep on a car trip before in my life – so we were planning all sorts of audio books and things to listen to… but I slept the ENTIRE trip from Houston to Williamsburg, VA AND back.
• Another trip plagued with food poisoning… John and I got food poisoning on Christmas Day one year, and actually had to travel on a plane with it. I used very barf bag within a couple of rows of our seats. I had to endure a drunk guy making fun of me too – it was literally the worst ride ever!

 

I think that this list gives you plenty to laugh at, groan about, and certainly evidence that a trip with me is never anything short of an adventure!

 

Your guest blogger for today is my long time friend, Leisl.  I met Leisl like OMG, 14 or 15 years ago.  When I got married, I eventually and unfortunately lost touch with some folks, but Leisl and I managed to catch up with each other again. 

She is a fabulous writer and a brilliant poet in my opinion (you'll get a taste of her poetry a little later in the week).  So enjoy her as much as I do!

Say A Little Prayer
By Leisl K. Miller
 
This evening I was blessed with the company of my Pastor and 5 of the Elders from my church.  They came to my home at my request.  I asked them to come and pray with me, and for me.  I felt that I really needed their enlightened wisdom and kind prayers to help me with the anxiety I have been having about my current health condition.  It was really nice to have them here.  We chatted for about 15 minutes about various people in the church who needed to be reached out to.  There is always someone who needs help.  I just hope that I can be as helpful to others as others are to me.  This is my wish.
 
Then I was asked to reiterate, to all who attended, what my health issue is.  They all listened intently with hope in their eyes.  It was good to feel “at home” with these people.  They are God loving people and with every gesture and sigh you can see it.  Their love for Christ is incredibly moving too.  They spoke of Him as if he is their best friend; and He is!  They live by Christ’s example and it shows.  The Pastor then read various passages from the Bible that spoke about healing of the sick and anointing the sick.  It was very helpful to my understanding of the gift of healing that only God can give you.
 
Next I knelt down on the ground, as did everyone. The Pastor and the Elders and my husband surrounded me and put their hands on my shoulders, neck and arms.  Then each one of them said a prayer for my healing and my peace.  They included prayers for my family as well.  Tears were running down my face as I listened to their inspired words. My Pastor was the last person to pray for me.  As he was praying for me he anointed me with oil on my forehead.  I could feel the healing energy swirl and spin around me and through me and it was the most wonderfully peaceful thing I think I have ever felt.  There really is power in prayer.
 
So when someone says, “Say a little prayer for me”, do it.  There really isn’t a prayer too small or too big that God can’t handle.  God is a giver.  When we pray he gives us his full attention.  I pray that your prayers will be answered in a favorable manner.  God Bless each and every one of you.  

Today's guest blogger is Mike, who I met working for Corporate America back in the very late eighties.  We fell out of touch for many years and then reconnected on Facebook a few months ago.  When I asked for help with my blog for the mission trip, I am so grateful he was one of my first volunteers. 

So, give him some love and encouragement as he is now thinking of starting his own blog.  From Mike:

Wedding Thoughts

Before I start the discourse related to the official title I want to just say thanks.  Kim, you may have started something here. I have always enjoyed writing but always have found excuses to not write. I tend to keep it as that thing out there I want to do but do not do. Maybe it is that last item on the bucket list. I do know that the hardest thing about writing this blog was to settle on one topic, in other words I do have a lot to say. I just may have to start blogging. Now I shall go on with the wedding thoughts.

I have been pretty busy for a few weeks or I should day weekends. I have performed three weddings in a row this June. For those who do not know me, I am an ordained minister. I do not work as a paid minister, I did at one time but for many reasons I retired. I have maintained my license and ordination and have performed many weddings over the years. Why do weddings? It takes lots of precious time and it is not really a business for me, yet. It started as a favor for a friend and quickly the word got out that I could marry people. I realized that so many people do not have a minister to perform their wedding. Some do not go to church and cannot find a minister because of that and others have a church but have been living together. Their church wants them to marry but will not marry them because they live together. That “logic” makes no sense to me. I began to realize that I could fulfill a need for so many people.

I may have a different way of thinking than most ministers but I feel comfortable with my thinking and that is what is important to me. I love weddings, Jesus loved weddings; remember he chose a wedding feast to perform his first miracle. Weddings are truly a celebration of love. I enjoy the casual outside wedding much more than the stuffy and formal church wedding but I will do either. I have the best spot in the house. I get to look the bride and the groom in the eyes and feel the emotion. I wish every person would have that opportunity. It is my feel good moment. I am addicted to the love. Even if the marriage later fails, I know that there was love in that moment.

Weddings need to be a time for love; I believe people worry too much about the ceremony and the occasion. I think the smartest move I have ever seen was when a friend of mine eloped and later threw a party for all of their family and friends. That was probably 25 years ago, they are still married. It wasn’t the ceremony that kept them together, it is the love.

 I have traveled the United States from coast to coast and points between to perform weddings. Some of the places I have performed a ceremony include: a hunting camp in the mountains of Pennsylvania, a winery in Maryland, the San Francisco Zoo, the Bad Lands of South Dakota, the streets of Sturgis during bike week, the Gulf Coast of Florida, various beaches on the East Coast, numerous homes and backyards in Maryland, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia, and yes, even in some churches. I have been dressed in a tux for a ceremony and I have worn shorts and a t-shirt. All of that has been interesting and fun even but the item that makes any of them a wedding is the love. It is not the words I say, it is not the cost of the event, nor the location, it is the love between the bride and the groom.

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, and it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails.”  I Corinthians 13:4-8

 These words are included in most ceremonies, the love being spoken of here is not the love of romance, but is the love of a Christian what the Greeks called “agape”.  I believe that is the love that is missing when a marriage fails. Romantic love can sustain us for only so long; if we do not have a wedding/marriage that includes “agape” there will be more of a struggle. My advice and intent in writing this is if you are not married be sure that you have the type of love mentioned in 1Corinthians on top of your romantic feelings. For those of you who are married, do not forget the “agape” yes the romance is important but do not neglect the “other love” it never fails.

 

<:od>

I met Cindy when I worked for Corporate America many moons ago and she was my sounding board especially when The Brit and I were getting to know each other via email and telephone.  Like many other friends, we have reconnected on Facebook and she offered to share a little blog post with me.

Most of you know that I have been involved with Relay for Life in the past and I hope to be involved with it next year.  Last year, was my surgery, so I couldn't do it and this year we were in England for it.  But as more and more people I know battle cancer, the more this cause means to me.  It means a lot to Cindy as well.


This weekend, June 20th, Hampshire County West Virginia held our annual Relay for Life Walk.

One in three people will be diagnosed with cancer during their lifetime. The American Cancer Society Relay For Life® is a life-changing event that brings together more than 3.5 million people across the country each year to celebrate the lives of those who have battled cancer, remember loved ones lost, and fight back against a disease that takes too much.

Between September 1, 2008 and August 31, 2009, Relay For Life® communities nationwide are hosting special “Show Us Your HOPE” activities that visually depict the passion Relayers have for the fight against cancer. Ideally, these activities are separate from Relay For Life® events and demonstrate how the American Cancer Society in our community celebrates survivors, remembers loved ones lost and fights back against cancer through Relay For Life®.

Learn more about Show Us Your HOPE or about Relay For Life® and how together we can Celebrate, Remember, and Fight Back against cancer!

Tomorrow I will walk in memory of my Father , Coach Honey Crites, my mother,  Ruth E. Crites and for all of my dear friends who have battled cancer.


I hope that each year, more and more of you will become involved with this cause which is so important.  My friend, Lisa, has been a team leader for Relay for the last three years and I now also know that a girl I went to high school is also involved with one locally, so my hope is to be very involved next year in one way or another.

So tomorrow afternoon, I am off for my second adventure of the summer: Mission trip 2009.

This will be my third year as a chaperone and I love these trips.  I love the helping others and I love the spending time with the youth kids.  The whole experience, as exhausting as it is, is uplifting at the same time.  We have all always come away from it closer and wiser, more aware that there is a world outside of our corner of it were things are not nearly as good as we have it.

Of course, my oldest son is going with me but I think he will do well.  He works hard, especially for people other than his parents, and it will be a learning experience for him.

I am contemplating taking a notebook with me to journal each night and then when I get home, sharing my thoughts and experiences here on the blog.  I may give it a shot, but the days are long and the nights are short, so we'll see how it goes!

Okay, that is it for me till Friday.  Give my guest bloggers some love in the way of comments as you may be encouraging another would be blogger!  Hope you all have a great week and for those of you on Facebook, I should be able to post some updates via my mobile phone.

Peace out!

So there has been a lot of chatter around the C&P girl blogs about getting their eating back in order.  At least I am not the only one who has struggled the last few weeks.  Now granted, I was on vacation and granted, the things I ate compared to how I would have eaten as a pre-op are not too terrible in comparison.  I ate things like fish and chips, and some crisps and some chocolate and OMG the bread in England is wonderful.  But now I am working on putting myself back together again and getting back on target. 

It's kind of interesting that before my surgery I would also beat myself up when my eating was especially bad and though my "bad" eating now is not nearly as bad as then, the beating up has not changed.  It makes me crazy to know I am not doing what I should be doing.  In fact, it is worse than crazy.  It scares the bejezez out of me. 

I looked at my Before and After pics this morning and my resolve was heightened once more.  Never again am I going to be THAT girl physically.  It's not an option.  I am happy here though not yet satisfied.  There is still work to be done and now I have to backtrack a bit to get where I was before England.  The difference now is that falling off the wagon does not mean giving up; it simply means getting it right again.  Pulling myself up and shaking off the dust and plowing onward.  There is no giving up anymore.

Travel, stress, unplanned circumstances, all of these things can throw healthy habits out the window, but now for me, that only happens for a moment in time.  A moment can last a few days or a few weeks, but in time, still only a moment.  It cannot be any different.  I've come too far to turn back.  109 pounds lost is nothing to sneeze at and it has done amazing things for my health and overall happiness and abilities.

So I'm back on board the health train and hope to soon be back on board the workout train too.  Time is still not on my side with that, plus I have kids for the summer, which makes things complicated, but I'll work it out as soon as the mission trip is over.

There are no other options.

....I will get back to my England stories soon, but life has yet to slow down even a little.

I am terribly jet lagged. I went to bed last night at 10:30, which though it isn't late, with my body being on UK time, that made it 2:30AM for me.  I feel asleep immediately and slept soundly until 2:30AM, which is 7:30AM UK time which is close to the time I woke up many mornings while we were on vacation.  I managed to doze back off until 5:00 this morning, and at 5:30 gave up trying to sleep and showered, dressed and went grocery shopping before work.  The upside is that Walmart is so not busy at 6:30! 

So then I worked, had hair and nails done, came home to finish the unpacking and putting away and sorted out some clothing for the church yard sale.  Then had dinner and am ready for a coma.

Really, really sad how we have lost three celebrities in two days.  Ed Mcmahon yesterday and Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson today.  What really freaks me out a little and I might be wrong, but I am sure when we were in England and The Brit's friend, Lee came over, Lee told us how he had tickets to one of Michael's UK concerts, but that he would be surprised if Michael lived that long. 

Creepy.

In other news, starting Sunday, when I leave on the mission trip, you will have some guest bloggers.  Show them some love as some have never blogged before but were more than willing offer their services when I asked for volunteers.

I am still trying to catch up on my blog reading, but again, jet lag and preparing to depart again in a few days has been posing problems.  I can barely place two thoughts together, so bear with me.  I'm hoping to be feeling more like myself tomorrow!

Short and sweet tonight.

We are home.

It's 9:33pm

My body time is 2:33AM, so I'm really tired.

Last night was awesome.

Today was really long.

Better blogging tomorrow after sleep.

G'night.

So the bags are nearly packed, the last of the shopping is completed and now we are just trying to sort out tonight.  We have to be up butt early in the morning in order to leave for Heathrow by 6:00.  The kids are currently with Adrian, which was a Godsend as it gave us the ability to pack and do laundry today without them being bored and underfoot.  The problem now is that we have to work out getting the kids back from Adrian's but not miss out on saying goodbye to anyone else.  It could be tricky.

So that is it for me until I am back in the USA.  We fly out at 11:00AM UK time and arrive home at 3:00pm US time, so it will be a long day. 

But the visit here was wonderful.  Much fun and many awe-inspiring moments.  Favorite things had to be London and The New Forest.  Special thanks and much love to all who made this visit so special.  

See you on the other side of the pond.